Coping with Grief: The Challenges Faced by Russian Exiles

Since the onset of Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine in early 2022, an estimated 650,000 to 1 million Russians have left their country, many seeking refuge in Europe. This mass emigration has not only altered their living situations but has also complicated their emotional landscapes, particularly when it comes to coping with loss. Pyotr Trofimov, who relocated to Germany shortly before his father's death in St. Petersburg, exemplifies this struggle. He reflects on how his move, initially aimed at securing a better future, transformed into a painful separation from his family during a critical moment. The absence of direct flights between Russia and EU countries further exacerbates the difficulty of returning home for such personal tragedies.

Olga Harlamova, a therapist based in Munich, emphasizes that the grieving process for exiles often begins with the act of emigration itself. She notes that individuals frequently overlook the cumulative losses they experience—such as the loss of job, social circles, and a sense of security—before facing the death of a loved one. This compounded grief can make coping significantly more challenging. Polina Grundmane, founder of the psychological support NGO Without Prejudice, shares her own experience of losing both parents within months of each other, highlighting the emotional toll of being unable to say goodbye due to safety concerns in Russia.

For many exiles, traditional farewell rituals are disrupted by distance. Alexander Slavin, who moved to Belgrade, reflects on his inability to attend his grandmother's funeral, expressing a sense of unresolved grief. Harlamova suggests that alternative farewell rituals, such as writing letters or planting trees, can provide a means to find closure. She advocates for open communication about death with loved ones, as discussing these topics—even humorously—can alleviate anxiety surrounding loss.

Experts stress the importance of allowing oneself to grieve and the necessity of emotional support during this process. Harlamova advises that simply being present for someone in mourning can be more beneficial than offering unsolicited advice. She explains that acknowledging and expressing emotions activates the nervous system's regulatory mechanisms, facilitating healing. Grundmane likens the grieving process to managing an addiction, where individuals learn to live with their pain rather than expecting it to disappear entirely.

As Russian exiles navigate their grief far from home, they face unique challenges that intertwine their experiences of loss with the broader context of displacement. While the pain of losing loved ones may never fully subside, many find ways to cope through therapy, community support, and personal rituals. The journey through grief remains complex, but with time and support, individuals can learn to integrate their losses into their new lives.

• “If the circumstances had been different, I would have simply traveled from Moscow to St. Petersburg. It's not a difficult task,” — Pyotr Trofimov

• “As the head of a psychological support NGO, I'll be honest: firstly, time doesn't heal everything - it's possible to not get over a loss.” — Polina Grundmane

• “Saying goodbye isn't just about the moment at the grave," she explained.” — Olga Harlamova

• “The most important thing is simply to give space to that pain. Sometimes you can just sit quietly beside them and hold their hand.” — Olga Harlamova

• “The pain of loss never truly goes away people simply learn to live with it, she added.” — Polina Grundmane